becuase God said so

The Gospel Truth

As Told to Me by God

I now proclaim, from heretofore until forevermore, that the word "becuase" is no longer a misspelling. It is merely a disspelling, which is not as bad as a misspelling. I can make this proclamation becuase God, with whom I was conversing last night, put me in charge of spreading the Good News about Spelling. He told me that's what the word Gospel really means -- Good news about Spelling.

The Good News is that God doesn't give a shit about spelling. Which you may already know if you are an intelligent person with a good education but still get judged by spelling snobs every time your fingers are faster than your brain. But now you also know becuase I told you -- becuase you are lucky enough to have an "in" with the Spiritual Speller. That is the title God gave me last night

What?

You don't believe me?

I can prove it. You come hang out with me and I will let you talk to God with me. It might take more than one day becuase God doesn't talk to me every day. That would be just silly. I mean, he has War and Starvation, Disease and Suffering, Violence and Sorrow, and Lice on Schoolchildren's Heads with which to deal. Why would he talk to the Spiritual Speller every day?

Anyway, if what I am saying weren't true, why would God have let us think up the electronic spell checker? The spell checker is God's way of telling us that, while standardized spelling is a boon to communication and understanding, it is in no way a measure of a person's spiritual worth, depth of soul, or intelligence quotient (IQ is Lucifer’s idea, btw.)